Aayat Qurishi
“I don’t want my grandchildren to remember me only through photographs. I want them to know our language, our values, and the stories that made us who we are.”
This was a conversation I heard from elderly people, which somehow affected me in a manner that made me question how generations stop listening to one another. Is this how our culture begins to fade?
This is how my research started.
The more time I spent with them, the more I realised that the challenges they faced were not limited to a few individuals or even to Kashmir. Similar stories of isolation, family separation, and emotional neglect existed across communities and around the world. What I had initially seen as individual experiences began to appear as part of a much larger social issue. Often, the elderly were the ones left behind.
This realisation made me question why these challenges were becoming increasingly common. The situation is becoming more urgent as India undergoes a significant demographic transition. According to recent ageing reports, the proportion of elderly citizens aged 60 and above is expected to increase from around 8% today to nearly 20% by 2050, while the population aged 80 and above is projected to grow dramatically. As the elderly population grows, the demand for healthcare, caregiving, and social support systems will grow alongside it.
These realities made me ask deeper questions. Why is this issue not discussed more openly? What social changes are driving this growing sense of isolation among older adults? How prepared is India for a rapidly ageing population? After spending years listening to elderly individuals speak about their fears, memories, and hopes, I found myself wondering whether society views them only through the lens of the lives they have already lived rather than the lives they are still living. Many have spent decades caring for their families, raising children, and building communities. Then why do so many find themselves feeling invisible when they need support and companionship the most?
Volunteering helped me understand the human impact of these challenges, but it could not fully explain their causes. That is why I felt compelled to move from social work to research.
During Grade 12, I began collecting primary data through interviews and surveys with older adults. While every participant shared a unique story shaped by different life experiences, several common themes emerged throughout the research. Many participants expressed concern about changing family values and the isolation that older adults increasingly face. At the same time, their responses reflected remarkable resilience and an ability to find happiness despite the hardships they had experienced.
One question that I asked every participant was, “What is your greatest achievement in life?” The answers revolved around family, spirituality, and personal values. Among them, one participant proudly stated that her greatest achievement was raising children who remained respectful, responsible, and compassionate. She explained that seeing her children uphold the values she had taught them brought her a sense of fulfilment that no material achievement could ever provide.
Another recurring theme was the perception of changing social relationships. Several participants reflected on a time when families and communities spent more time together, when values were shared through daily interactions, and when technology had not yet become a substitute for human connection.
The advice participants shared was equally insightful. When asked what message they would like to pass on to younger generations, one participant remarked, “A neighbour is always like a shadow. When family, relatives, and friends are not around, it is often the neighbour who stands beside you.” He emphasised the importance of helping and supporting those around us, explaining that this is what creates a true sense of community.
Another participant offered a different yet equally powerful perspective: “Work hard for your future, but do not forget your values. Wealth, success, and possessions may come and go, but faith, kindness, and good character remain with a person throughout life.” He expressed that people often become so occupied with work and responsibilities that they forget to appreciate what they have. According to him, gratitude plays an important role in everyone’s life.
While the interviews provided detailed personal experiences, the surveys offered a broader understanding of the challenges and perspectives of older adults.
**Survey Findings**
Nearly 82% of respondents reported feeling emotionally supported either always (45.5%) or often (36.4%). These findings suggest that family continues to play a central role in the lives of many older adults in Kashmir.
As I reviewed the interviews and survey responses, I realised that ageing is not only about health, policies, or statistics. It is about people whose lives are filled with sacrifices that often go unnoticed. Many spend decades caring for others, asking for very little in return. Yet, their stories are often heard only when it is too late.
The conversation we often delay and think that we have time for, the gratitude we leave unspoken, and yet we still believe that the time will always be there and may not wait, nor will the people. Behind every elderly person is a lifetime of experience, love, and sacrifice. The question is not whether they will still teach us something; the question is whether we are listening while they are still here to tell the stories.
Today, I can say that I, too, have stories to tell.
Growing up, I would listen to my friends speak about their grandparents, their memories, and the lessons they had learned from them. As a child, I often wondered why I could not have those experiences in my own life. Everything seemed to be there, yet something always felt missing.
The conversations I had, the stories I listened to, and the love and blessings I received gave me something I never expected. The inner child in me found comfort in the love that was missing in my life. Through this journey, that missing part of my life was filled, and I know now that I will always make time to truly listen to any of the opportunities that will bring meaningful connections between generations.
What began as research became something that I never expected. It was not a series of interviews or interactions; it was the formation of a bond, the shared stories. I had the privilege of learning through this journey and from the generation whose experiences continue to shape the world around us.
The author is a Grade 12 student of Vantage Hall Girls’ Residential School, Dehradun. She can be reached at: [email protected]
