From secret negotiations to open meetings in cafes, Kashmir’s matchmaking culture embraces transparency
Suhail Khan
Srinagar, July 12 : The traditional practice of Manzimyoor (matchmaking) in Kashmir has evolved significantly, with families now playing a more active and transparent role in the process. Unlike earlier customs, meetings between prospective spouses and their families are increasingly held in open settings such as hotels and parks, facilitated by the Manzimyoor.
However, the rising emphasis on monetary gains has, to some extent, overshadowed the profession’s original intent, raising concerns about the credibility and motives of certain matchmakers.
Kashmir Despatch spoke with several Manzimyors across different districts to understand how the profession has transformed. Many acknowledged that while the essence of matchmaking remains, the approach has become more structured and transparent.
“We now facilitate marriages more openly, with both families actively participating in discussions,” Farooq Ahmad one matchmaker explained.
Sida, a well-known Manzimyoor in Srinagar, stated that while the profession was once highly respected, its reputation has been tarnished by individuals entering the field solely for financial gain.
“This has not only impacted the profession’s integrity but also cast doubt on genuine matchmakers like us,” he said. “However, the trend is shifting—today, there is greater accountability and transparency than before.”
He elaborated that matchmakers now organize meetings in neutral venues, allowing families to interact and assess compatibility before finalizing any decisions.
“We ensure a professional and careful process. Families spend time together, evaluate mutual suitability, and proceed only when fully satisfied,”he added.
Shabir Ahmad, a Manzimyoor from northern Kashmir, highlighted the growing role of families in the matchmaking process.
“We arrange open meetings where both families can engage freely. Everything is settled transparently, leaving no room for ambiguity,” he said.
Other matchmakers echoed this sentiment, estimating that nearly 70% of matrimonial decisions now rest with families, while their own role has diminished to about 30%.
“This shift empowers families to make informed choices while allowing us to perform our duties more ethically,” one remarked.
Despite these positive changes, some families have raised concerns about unethical practices, alleging that certain matchmakers provided misleading information for financial gain.
One anonymous family from north Kashmir shared a distressing experience, claiming that a matchmaker misrepresented a groom’s background, leading to the marriage’s annulment within a week.
Despite such incidents, many believe the system is self-correcting. “Families are now more cautious, verifying details independently before committing,” said Bashir Ahmad, another Manzimyoor. “This scrutiny keeps us accountable.”
Some families have even turned to social media and matrimonial websites as alternatives, though traditional Manzimyors remain the preferred choice for many. “Nothing replaces the personal touch of a trusted Manzimyoor who knows both families’ histories,” said Ghulam Nabi, a Srinagar resident.
This shift has been welcomed by many families, who feel more empowered in the process. “We prefer meeting in public places where we can observe behavior, ask questions, and avoid surprises later,” said Rafiya, a mother from Baramulla who recently arranged her daughter’s marriage through a Manzimyoor.
Pertinently, Manzimyoor system remains integral to Kashmiri matrimonial culture, the move toward transparency and family involvement is helping rebuild trust. Open interactions in public spaces enable families to make well-informed decisions, reducing reliance solely on the matchmaker’s assurances.
